Friday, May 8, 2009

Day 64 - Guilt

Have you ever said to someone, "Let me know if you need anything?" I say it a lot, but I can't recall anyone ever taking me up on it. Ever had someone take you up on it?

I've had so many people say that phrase to me over the last couple of months. And I know they mean it. My neighbors, and Chris' co-workers would probably do anything to help us, but the problem is, I need to ask.

There is a normal reluctance for me to ask for help. I'm stubborn, and basically want to prove to everyone that I can do it on my own.

But last night I hit my breaking point and needed a favor...and it was a silly one at that. The kids were taking their showers, and we were "in" for the night. I was exhausted, after having been kicked out of my bed early in the morning (see Day 63). At that moment I became a living Netflix commercial, because I had forgotten to take back the movie to the rental place.

After a couple of calls to the some neighbors, Dirk (see Day 60) did my dirty work for me. I gave him a beer (an Oberon) in order to sooth the inconvenience. He drove away with "Bedtime Stories" and headed towards Blockbuster. After explaining what I had done on my Facebook page I had people coming out of the woodwork saying they would have done it (for the beer - ha ha!)

But then this morning, I felt stupid, lazy, and guilty about the whole thing. I should have just loaded up everyone and taken it back myself...15 minutes at the most, and no one would know that I had failed. And then the first breakdown since this whole mess started. (I've even held it together while Chris teared up on his visit, so I guess I am pretty tough or just plain numb.)

But I guess I'd better get over feeling this way, and soon. Dirk is out mowing my yard right now.


  1. I can so relate to this it's not even funny. But here's the deal...when someone has taken me up on an offer to help, it actually makes ME feel good. It makes me feel good to be able to help in ANY way. So that is what I have to tell myself. I have friends who have taken me out to dinner twice now, and it is SO HARD to let them pay...but I know it let's them feel better to know they can do something to help me. So it's not just about me. :) The people who love you feel helpless right now. They just want to help you so they can help themselves. You didn't fail. We know you CAN do it. We just don't want you to have to. :) So let us help so WE don't feel guilty for making you do it all yourself, k? ;)

  2. That's very nice of your neighbor! It is a lot of work to load up 3 kids, especially nice clean ones that you are ready to put to bed, no matter how far you've got to go! Isn't it nice when men work for beer too? I've bribed my hubby with Oberon many times. :)